Waiting on God

In two weeks I will have completed six months in Peru. In two months I will have completed one year away from home. Looking back it is amazing how the time has passed, while enduring each day has been both a blessing and a challenge. Now, almost half way into my commitment I'm waiting on God for some direction. When I left home almost a year ago I was excited and ready to go and do what I had worked so hard to get to do: international missions. God had been preparing me for this for several years with short-term teams, with language study, with campus ministry and discipleship opportunities. I have loved the Lord since I was a little girl, and my heart so desperately wanted to serve him and make him proud of me.
Nothing about this job has been what I expected. I suppose that should be an understatement - there is really no way to understand what it means to leave your life to go and make disciples of all nations. Still, I was excited to go and make those disciples, I was ready to go and love the people of Peru. It's practically my personality to love people. But one thing I didn't expect was to not love people. I don't mean that I hate them, nor do I dislike them, but not naturally loving people was unexpected. I've been struck with a frustrating complacency toward the people here, and my job seems to have become nothing more than a job. I log my work hours, I complete my goals for the week and my scheduled responsibilities - but I do these things because they are my job, not because I am passionately broken for the people I'm around.
So I'm waiting on God, and praying incredibly hard. This has been the most unexpected thing of all I have experienced. I never anticipated the apathy. I know that God has a plan and a calling for me – it’s just that I’m no longer sure of what that plan or calling is. I’m praying that God would reveal his plan to me, that He would show himself to me. I would appreciate the prayers of anyone willing to pray with me. And in the meantime, I continue to wait on God . . .